My Golden Horseshoe: A True Story

For those of you that don't know me very well, it may surprise you to learn that alot of people believe I have a golden horseshoe wedged somewhere uncomfortable.  And I don't mean the back of a volkswagon.  I guarentee you that this is indeed the case, although it is likely smaller than you are imagining simply for the sake of personal comfort.
I am gifted with way more than my fair share of luck.  I  always have been.  I assure you that this is not a boast, merely a statement of fact.  Now I also want to come right out and say that this does not mean that bad things don't happen to me.  Of course they do.  Into every life a little rain must fall.  And some days it falls in cascades, in torrential buckets even.  But that's life. C'est la vie.  But I frimly believe that when the clouds clear my golden horseshoe mainatins a karmic balance that is perpetually in my favour.
So back to the horseshoe.  It primarily comes into play in relation to contests where prizes are involved.
Here are a few real, honest examples:
Door Prizes:  The earliest example I can remember is winning a scale diecast model tractor at a local pig roast/barn dance when I was about 4 years old.  My Dad had filled out the ballot and used my name instead of his own.  Imagine my surprise when they called my name!
Concert Tickets:  Back in High School I won tickets to see Big Sugar on from FM96 by being the right caller.
Poker: While I certainly don't win every poker game I sit down to play, I have had years where my earnings from small home games were up over the $800 mark, and my first 2 attempts at a Vegas poker table had me up another $750 over 2 sittings.  Not because of my skill, but because I often get great cards when I need them.
50/50 Prizes:  I think I have won 3 50/50 pots over the years, one of which was for $437 - which I think may still hold the record for being the largest prize awarded at the St. Jacobs Country Playhouse.
Game shows:  While out on a North American Tour with a show, I was selected to be a contestant on The Price is Right and won about $10,000 US in fabulous prizes.  (A home gym, and matching Kowasaki Dirt Bikes for those of you who don't know the story)  Yes, this actually happened.  I have the video to prove it! This is obviously the largest win to date, and totally deserves it's own blog post as my 15 seconds of fame, but that is a tale for another day.  Side bar: I was also selected to be a contestant at the The Price is Right Live in Vegas, but only won a T-shirt.  As I was one of the first 4 selected in Vegas, I didn't realize I only had one shot at the bidding phase to make it up onstage, but that's okay, since Just the Wife swore there was no way I would even get picked to be a contestant.  Oh ye of little faith!
Raffles:  For my most recent win, I just found out that I won a sexy Broil King BBQ in a raffle sponsored by DaveFM at the K/W Ribfest and Craft Beer Show this Summer.  I had actually been thinking just last weekend that I would need to replace my current BBQ next season, so the timing on this win is pretty remarkable.
So there you have it.  I think all this is pretty good evidence of a little bit of luck, and in my opinion it has totally been worth any minor discomfort that my golden horsehoe may have caused over the years. 
Of course I am still hoping for a big Lottery win, but you can't always get what you want.
Besides Sean Connery has told us what winners get to do, and I'm okay with that too.
;)

Zombies, and art, and science, and more Zombies...

Okay, so I have been a terrible blogger lately, but life has honestly gotten in the way again...In the last few weeks I have had a whole plethora of fantastic life experiences to write about but I have also had a few terrible life experiences that I think I want to bottle up and put on a shelf somewhere dark and forget about them until I am in a better state of mind to reflect on them at some length.
So in the meantime I want to share a few observations on a trio of things that I have experienced lately that all share a fun common theme: Namely... Zombies.  Who doesn't love Zombies?  If you raised your hand, don't even bother with this post, it isn't for you.  Better luck next time.

#1: The Walking Dead.  The AMC television series.

As always, while I am working out of town for the Summer, I am always on the hunt for full seasons of new TV shows to watch that will sustain me through endless hours of late night insomnia/ boredom.  This last couple of weeks first two seasons of The Walking Dead has been just what the Doctor ordered.  Friends warned me that the first season was infinitely better than season 2...but I am not sure I agree.  Based on a series of graphic novels (which I will freely admit that I have no intention of ever reading), the series follows a small rag tag band of survivors in the southern states after an epidemic turns most of the population into flesh-eating shamblng corpses.  After the very first episode I was hooked.  And here's the funny thing: I don't even like this genre.  Never have.  I am a huge pussy when it comes to horror movies of any kind: Infact, I generally avoid them because of the instantious and visceral effect they have on me.  I am a grown man, with what one might call a very over-active imagination, and I have no problem admitting that after an evening of this kind of entertainment I delevop a serious fear of the dark.  Okay, not the dark so much as everything that goes bump in the dark!  After watching The Blair Witch Project when it first came out on the big screen I could not sleep the entire night, despite the fact that I was in my early twenties and tucked safely into my own bed in my parents home at the time.  And forget about camping...that film officially ruined that for me forever!  So naturally I avoid horror films, just to save myself the trouble.  But this series though has taken a slightly different approach to the horror genre which has captured my attention.  The focus is on the interactions of the survivors, how they deal with loss, and hope, and despair, and all of the crazy scenarios that someone could find themselves in when the world goes to hell in a handbasket and there just happens to be ravenous hordes of the living dead clogging the streets, waiting to eat your brains.  I really do enjoy the writing, plot lines, and the talent involved in this series, and I would feel remiss if I didn't mention that the special effects make up team has done an incredible job of scaring the living bejesus out of me on more than one occasion.  I need to check the exact date, but I know that Season 3 airs soon.

#2 Bodies: The Exhibit.

While we were in Las Vegas recently, my friends and I decided to take in Bodies: The Exhibition at the Luxor.  While both Just the Wife and my sister the physio-therapist have often told me that this was something that they have always wanted to see, it has never been very high on my list of must do activities.  Not becuase I'm squeamish, but because I do have some pretty big hang-ups with death.  But don't we all?  No, okay maybe it's just me.However as the Fun Coordinator  for the trip, one of our gang really wanted to see it, so off we went.  For those of you who have never heard of this exhibit, let me explain.  Basically, a European Scientist/ Doctor/ Evil Genius has acquired a whole pile of actual human corpses that have been donated to science post mortem, and through meticulous preservation and disection techniques, has created an art installation/ science project guarenteed to scare the sweet bejesus out of the faint of heart.  This is not for kids!  As you tour through the exhibit they basically walk you through all of the systems of the human body, with several very visceral, real demonstrative models to better exemplify the specifics of exactly how the human body is put together.  If you have never seen a flayed human body, you are in for a treat. Several infact.  If you ever had to disect a fetal pig in Biology class, you will be astounded by how similar this entire exhibit feels to that experience.   While I was incredibly intrigued by the inner workings of the musculature, circulatory and repiratory systems, I found the key to this exhibit was to simply disconnect the fact that all of the pieces I was examing were once living, breathing human beings, with hopes, dreams and aspirations.  One I was able to see them simply as anatomicially correct manikins, I was able to breath a little easier.  Ofcourse, it wasn't long after that point that my imagination kicked in and suddenly I was seeing each new installation as a potential zombie marauder.  This made the exhibit way more terrifying, and interestingly enough, easier to handle.  As a side bar, the various dissected internal workings of the lungs that had been dyed two tone to illustrate the flow of blood were actually quite beautiful as pieces of art - an odd and puzzling thought.  Also the few 'bodies' that consisted of only dyed veins and arteries suspended in enbalming fluid were very interesting to behold, and creepy as hell.  I will also mention that as a parent the fetal development portion of the exhibit was more than a little hearbreaking, if very informative, and super interesting.
I have spent alot of time pondering how I actually feel about the morality of this exhibit, the whole question of actual human bodies on display as a piece of art/science/novelty, and I honestly don't think I can come up with an easy answer.  From an educational standpoint, I feel that it is an excellent, inovatove concept, allowing the general public access to teaching tools that they would otherwise never be exposed to, outside of a medical training facility.  The flip side of course is that I know I wouldn't appreciate knowing that one of these displays featured a friend/ relative of mine who had checked the little box on their organ donor card.  Of course, that would have been their decision to do so, and I really have no business being offended by someone else's last wishes, since it was obviously something that they felt strongly about, and its pretty damn petty of me to think that I have the right to be indignant about something that they so strongly believed in.  Like I said, no real easy answer.  Ultimately I think I will simply settle for being conflicted, and I'm okay with that.

#3 The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks.

As promised, we're right back to Zombies to round out this post!  This handbook looks at all of the elements that you, yes you, need to know to survive a plethora of Zombie related scenarios.  The books covers a huge array of information, from origins of the Zombie, selection of initial refuge, how to fortify and secure your home, primary, secondary and ranged weapon selection, what you will need to ride out the infestation.  This book really is the final word on how to prep for the inevitable Zombie Apocolypse.  The whole reason I was intriqued by this book is all of the time I have spent discussing said Zombie Apocolypse over the years with various friends.
Ultimately what I have learned is this: Select a small (3-5) group of healthy, individuals that you trust.  Hopefully these are people who happen to have a  wide array of varied special skills, and talents.  (A mechanic, an engineer, a paramedic/ medical professional, someone with actual combat experience or is at least comfortable with a gun, will all come in handy!).  Then get your hands on a functional katana, hatchet, or crowbar and head on down to an American Walmart - the supply of guns, ammo, and food available will be worth the effort it takes to clear out the store of roaming undead.  Most importantly, when dispatching the Undead, you must destroy the brain, any other damage will only piss them off, and get you eaten.  Headshots count!  Once you have your supplies for 2-3 months of enforced house arrest, find a two storey home with a decent fenced yard, set up base camp on the upper story, demolish the stairs to the main floor, and sit down to wait it out.  Apparently Zombies can't climb so you should be okay until the food and water runs out.  After that...it sounds like you're best bet is to resupply and make your way to an off shore oil rig or military compound to ride out the rest of the forseeable future, which sadly wont  likely be very long, since the planet has obviously been overrun by the undead anyway by this point.  May as well make the most of it!  But be aware, if a collegue gets bit, do yourself a favour and immedietly  put a bullet in their brain becuase they will be reanimating with a taste for brains before you know it, and nobody needs that on the wrong side of a protective barracade! A very amusing read, especially when combined with exposure to the two previous articles of this post, I would encourage anyone who is so inclined to pick up a copy to read for themselves!

There you have it, a solid triple dose of Zombies to keep you on your toes!  Enjoy.

And remember: Always double tap.

The Hunger Games - Another adaption that misses the mark.

Even before I had read the books, I had wanted to see this film in theatres when it was originally released, just to see if it lived up to all of the hype.  Lets face it, the marketing campaign for the first film of this trilogy was HUGE.  Sadly, life just wasn't going to co-operate, so I have had to wait for the film to be released on video before I could get the opportunity to weigh its pros and cons for myself.

In the meantime, I did get the chance to finally read all three books, and form my own opinions of the story in general.
Let me start by saying that of the three books, the first is by far my favourite.  The remainder of the trilogy don't appeal to me much, but I feel Suzanne Collins was really onto something when she penned this first book.  Sadly the movie misses the point.

Yes, Jennifer Lawrence looks great in the lead role as Katniss Everdeen.  Nobody debates that she is a lovely young up and coming actress with a pair of huge movie franchises under her belt (Young Miss Lawrence also portrays Mystique in the reboot of the X-Men franchise, for those of you who were unaware). 

But gone are the relationships.  This movie has all most no heart to it.  Because they assume that their audience has read the books and knows this world, and its inhabitants, the movie spends absolutely no time developing the characters around Katniss.  Her mother and her sister Prim are all but forgotten, other than the reaping scene at the top of the film, which honestly happens so early in that the family relationship has barely been established.  Cinna, played by Lenny Kravitz (What the hell is Lenny Kravitz doing in this movie???)  barely gets enough screen time to be introduced to Katniss, forget about the huge emotionally supportive role that the character plays in the novel.  And Woody Harrelson, as Hamish, is way too accommodating and helpfull to the tributes of District 12.  As far as the love interests in the film goes...I have no idea who he is, but the guy playing Peta has as much life,  warmth, and charm as the dead squirrels Katniss hunts throughout the film.  And he's supposed to win over the crowd?  Please!

Other than all the combat, there aren't alot of special effects that jump out at you in this film, but the CG rendering of The Capital looks pretty good.  Also kudos to the design team that came up with the wardrobe choices for the citizens of The Capitol, as they are pretty outlandish, fun and funky.

I will go as far as to say that they found a beautiful verdant location to stage the arena for the games.  The scenes Katniss in the arena are visually very pretty, and in sharp contrast to the town portrayed in District 12.

All in all, this movie is likely exactly what its target demographic (13-16 year old ADHD, literate tweens raised by television, who have ZERO attention span, and too much access to mommy and daddy's money) are likely looking for in a night out at the movies.  It does take the basic story off the page and put it up on the big screen for everyone to see.  But for those of us who expect a little more out of our adaptions, this movie franchise is shaping up to be a available in your local KMart bargin bin by Christmas.

Total Recall - A Re-Imagining

Got out last night with some good friends to see Total Recall starring Colin Farrell, Jessica Biel, and Kate Beckinsale.
A re-imagining of the 1990 film featuring everybody's favourite Governator, this remake has alot going for it. 

I still find it hard to believe that the first film came out 22 years ago!

The nostalgia factor is very high on this film, alot of people of my generation saw the original, and while it may have been far from brilliant, the special effects were certainly ahead of their time.  The story was also pretty solid, with some pretty cool plot twists.

Special Effects on the remake of the film are really incredible.  The amount of cg work that has gone into all of the sunning  environments is pretty remarkable.  Both the United Federation of Britain and The Colony featured in the film look ultra realistic and are seamlessly integrated with the real world locations featured in the film.  The cybernetic law enforcement agents also look great.  By far the most interesting scenes of the film are all CG, these being the slick hover car chase, and the reversed gravity shoot out on "the fall".

The cast is also solid, with Farrell, Biel, and Beckinsale turning in great action hero performances.  Farrel is actually more convincing than Arnold ever was in the role.  Don't get me wrong, there is all most no depth here, but really you shouldn't be expecting any!  Kudos also go to the team of stunt doubles that actually make all of the stunt work look and feel effortless.

Where this movie suffers is story.  While the writers have kept some of the key elements of the original, gone are the mutants and alien technology of the first film.  Now the plot centers on the the aquistion of habitable living space after global biochemical war. 
Farrell's character is essentially the same as Arnie's...a super spy with a wiped memory, placed in protective custody with no knowledge of his former self.Stuck in a dead end job, he is tempted to make a trip to Rekall, a memory enhancement service, to escape from his dreary daily grind.  Keep in mind that he thinks he's married to sexy Kate Beckinsale, so life can't be all that bad...

When his memory enhancement is cut short by a squad of shoot first ask questions storm troopers, Farrell goes on the run, unravelling his foggy past with the help of his old girlfriend. Enter Biel, and the Resistance, a group of freedom fighters who want the Colony to Succeed from the UFB.  Biel is super sexy as always, and full kudos should go to her wardrobe designer for making her look uber hot in urban combat attire.

I actually recently saw a interview with Biel where she compared this film to the treatment that the Batman franchise recently got from Christopher Nolan, which seems like a bit of a stretch to me...yes they are both re-imaginings of an original, but where the new Batman trilogy was a triumph, this film seems destined to be forgotten about in about 6 months time.  It just doesn't have the staying power of the original.

However, as a summer action movie, it is a solid offering, with lots of shiny CGI, big ka-booms, and copious amounts of eye candy for everyone.

More Legendary Game of Thrones Awesomeness

While surfing the interweb this morning looking for some much needed entertainment I came across 2 fantastic videos on Youtube that made my day.

The perfect mash up!  Think: the 8 bit Episode of Community meets Game of Thrones.

Each video summerizes an entire Season of the smash HBO hit, while poking just a little fun.
Be warned, they are not family friendly, but neither is game of Thrones, or Community, so this shouldn't be a big surprise.

If at this point you have no idea what I am talking about, I'm sorry, there is no help for you.  Here's a link to a lovely blog about kittens and Jesus: Really!  I'm not making this shit up folks!
Okay, so despite its title that one is a little light on kittens....Here's another for you that actually delivers.

For the rest of you: 

Enjoy!

Season 1:

Season 2:

A big thank-you to the folks over at www.collegehumor.com for coming up with these!

For those of you that love the Game of Thrones series, I want to know what you think of these!  Keep those comments comiing!

The Beaches of Tiny

Finally got a chance to explore some of the better beaches up here around Penetanguishene.  I have always been told that the private beaches out at the concessions were far better than the public beach at Balm Beach, and I am now able to confirm that this is infact the case.

We started our day out at the public beach on the 11th Concession, in the Township of Tiny, where the beach features lovely, clean white sand, and the water was crystal clear.  My only real complaint about this beach was the amount of rocks that you have to traverse in order to get to the water.
There is a great sandbar, and the water temperature was seasonably warm.  There were a few families down at this beach when we arrived, but for the most part, it was pretty quiet.

Our second stop was the public beach at the 13th Concession of Tiny.  This beach had a much more secluded feel, but features coarser sand, that bordered on small gravel down by the waters edge.  But there were no submerged rocks to scramble over to actually get into the water.  The water at the 13th is uber shallow, meaning a long walk out to the first sandbar, but again, the water was crystal clear and was actually at least a couple of degrees warmer than the water at the 11th.  Being able to sit on the sandbars and soak up the rays was a pretty great way to spend the afternoon.

Of the two, I much preferred the beach at the 13th, dispite the fact that the 11th has nicer sand.

As a side bar, while both of these beaches are posted as public, the only parking available requires a valid parking pass, that only residents of Tiny can obtain.  Non residents take the risk of getting a $50 ticket every 3 hours for parking anywhere near these beaches.  The Township of Tiny has a funny way of encouraging tourism...Douchewaffles.  Haven't they ever heard of parking meters?  I would gladly pay 5-10 bucks to enjoy these beaches for day, but a mandatory  $50 fine for using a public beach just guarentees that I will trash them on the interweb...a classic case of heinous fuckery most foul.

Map of Westeros: With a retro twist

For all of you Game of Thrones fans of my generation, here's a little something I stumbled upon on the interweb that made my day.  Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

That's right, Westeros rendered in loving detail using the classic 8 bit stylings of the beloved Super Mario Brothers franchise from the Nintendo Entertainment System.

The attention to detail is pretty friggin fabulous, notice Boo floating over Harrenhall?  The Heart Tree next to Winterfell? The ladder up to the Eryie?

Highgarden and Dragonstone also earn special mention for being especially inspired. 
And because it just begs for a matching soundtrack: Enjoy!

 

The Watch: Summer Fluff

Got out last night to see a couple of new movies...and The Watch was by far the better movie of the night.  Sadly this isn't saying much.

The cast is rock solid: Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, and Richard Ayoade, make up the members of the watch team.

The plot is a little out there:
Stiller, the manager of the local Costco and his quirky band of co-stars form a community watch club to help protect their small suburban community from the individual who murdered one of Stiller's employees.  The local police have no leads, and are incredibly inept.

What they don't know is that the murder was committed by a ravening alien, one of many who recently crash landed in their quiet home town, and who are now stealing their victims skins in order blend into the local population.

Keep in mind that this film is a comedy.  Despite the blood and gore, the cast ensure that things never get too dark.  Most of the comedy in the piece can be found in the relationships and interactions of the Watch members. Stiller, Vaughn, Hill, and Ayoade turn in fun, fresh performances that keep the movie light-hearted and fun.

Vaughn's struggles with his hot to trot teenage daughter, and Hill's short scene with his mother top the list for scenes that ring with everyday truth, and genuine comedy.

They also attempt to inject some heart into the film through Stiller's strained relationship with his wife, a sub-plot that feels a little strained throughout.

Comic Highlights:
Ayoade's speech concerning his reasons for joining the watch.
Hill's lovable militant misfit's storming into his own home to secure a hidden weapons cache.
Vaughn and Hill spying on Vaughn's daughter at an oversexed teenage pool party.
Stiller and Ayoade invading a suspected Alien hive in the basement of Stiller's neighbours home.

The mandatory double-tap scene featured in the previews is also pretty funny, but certainly not unexpected.

For a piece of Summer fluff, on a cheap night, it was worth the price, but generally speaking The Watch is a solid rental.

TED: Fail!

Right off the top I want to say that I was dissapointed with Ted.
However, the reason for my disappointment stems from the fact that I didn't find the movie anywhere near as offensive (read: funny) as I had been lead to believe.  With Seth McFarlane at the helm, I had been hoping for something that explored the extreme edges of dark comedy, broke established bounderies, while offering scathing pop culture quips.  What I got instead, was a dumbed down full length version of a family guy episode, with an alcoholic, slacker, talking  stuffed bear taking the place of the alcoholic, slacker, talking animated dog.
An R rated comedy about an anthropomorphic Teddy bear from Seth McFarlane, creator of Family Guy, and featuring some big name Hollywood celebrities: Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, and Giovanni Robisi, Ted simply does not live up to expectations.
Sure there are some laugh out loud moments, most of which feature Ted's bizarre sex life, but for the most part, this movie is just full of tired old jokes.
The one exception: the brawl between Ted and Whalberg in a seedy hotel room was pretty god damn funny, because of how violent it was. 
Wahlberg, who also produced the film, doesn't have much to work with when it comes to character or plot.  His character comes across as the biggest looser (read: pussy) in Boston, still needing his Teddy bear to get through thunderstorms in his mid 30's.
Mila Kunis has almost nothing to do...other than look incredibly hot, which she does remarkably well, as always.
McFarlane, voicing the role of the title character comes across exactly as he does in everything he has ever appeared in.  There is no variety, which leads to a very dissapointing character.
Giovanni Robisi, adds little to the plot with his nut case role, but of the entire cast, he looks the most like he is having a good time on camera.
Ryan Reynolds earns full points however for the movies best cameo.
In short, if you love Family Guy, this movie will be for you.  If you were hoping that McFarlane's first full length feature film would step up and raise the bar...you will be sadly dissapointed.