Time traveling execution victims makes for very, very engaging cinema!

Got out last night to see Looper with a couple of friends and I have to say that I was very surprised by what unfolded on the big screen.
What I thought I was going to see was a movie about time traveling assassins from the future.  Pretty friggin cool!
All of the trailers had lead me to believe that the primary focus of this film was going to be watching Joseph Gordon Levitt track down his older time traveling self, portrayed by Bruce Willis.  While this was certainly a big part of the film, there is another sub-plot that involves Willis' attempt to locate and kill the younger version of a future crime boss that over rides the cat and mouse plot that I was expecting.
While the concepts driving the film are far from new to the film industry, think 12 Monkeys, Terminator, Back to the Future, their are also some very strong undertones of the InFamous video game franchise.
Set in the not so distant future, Looper shows us a glimpse into a broken, poverty stricken society run by crime lords with ties to time traveling crime syndicates from 30 years in the future.  Looper's are the society's assassins, 20 something young men, contracted to kill and dispose of targets that are sent back in time from the future for ease of disposal.  The target simply appears at a given time and place, bound, gagged, and hooded, with the Looper's payment - 4 bars of solid silver, strapped to his body.  The moment the target materializes, BLAM! The Looper blasts them with a specialized shotgun, designed to be deadly from within 15'.  The looper then disposes of the body, which technically doesn't exist in their timeline, and waits for their next assignment.  Its a pretty friggin cool concept.  However, there is a big catch.  Every looper agrees to the fact that at some point they will be expected to assassinate their older selves, sent back from the future to be executed, hence 'closing the loop'.  So the loopers live large, reveling in the moment, wasting their money on drugs, women, and fast cars.
Joseph Gordon Levitt gives a great performance as a detached, torn young man, so very distanced from the morals our that society so values.  Bruce Willis is also stellar as his older self...brought back from the brink of death and addiction by the love of a woman, Willis is driven by motivations that the younger version of himself, Levitt, can't begin to comprehend.
Without giving away too much of the plot, I want to take a moment to touch on one of the most disturbing torture scenes I have seen in a long, long time.  Early in the film, One of Levitt's looper cohorts fails to close his loop, allowing his future self to run off.  The younger version of this looper is eventually captured by the crime syndicate and it is explained that they can't kill him because of the ramifications it will have on the future. While the older version tries to flee the city, his extremities suddenly start to disapear, and he suddenly finds himself the bearer of a very specific, very new, very old scar.  As time ticks on, more and more of his body is suddenly displaced and replaced with scar tissue.  The theory  being that while the syndicate can not kill the younger version of the looper, they have ways of keeping him alive while inflicting horrible amounts of very specific damage. I thought this was a really interesting and graphic way for the film to depict the direct results of altering the time space continuum...alot of the audience around me cringed as the scene went on and on...and while no actual violence or dismemberment were shown, everyone knew exactly what was going on.
It was very intelligently done.
That last statement can actually be applied to the entire movie.  There are no loose ends.  The film makers allude to very specific details early in the film, then as the film progresses, all of these concepts are brought into play.  It was great to see a time travel film that didn't leave us asking 'but what if...?' or 'are they now stuck in a continual time paradox?', or 'does this mean that we are now dealing with split and divergent timeliness?'  These are things I have often asked about other films, because it is the kind of thing I like to spend time pondering.  Looper answers all of your questions in a very direct, straightforward manner.  Which means that the writers spent the time to figure all this stuff out, they didnt just say 'ah well...who cares if this plot point doesnt make sense. Just go with it" And that I appreciate.

Every Girl's Crazy 'Bout a Sharp Dressed Man

Primer's Visual Guide to Understanding Common Suit0 Features

Stumbled Upon the above link tonight and it just so happens that it contains a wealth of information that I believe every man should be aware of. 

I urge all of you men out there to read the above article, as you will likely learn something that will come in handy down the road.

Most of the guys I know don't enjoy having to put on a suit, forget about knowing anything about how to properly wear one.
"How many buttons should they do up on their 3 button jacket?"
"How many vents should they have?" "How do they tie a full Windsor knot?"  These are all questions that either I have asked,  and heard asked by friends and family members recently.

I believe this lack of knowledge stems from our generations lack of respect for the suit in general.  Growing up, we all viewed suits as stuffy, restrictive, uncomfortable things worn only either by pretentious businessmen, or to a somber occasion like a funeral.  There were no fun, entertaining examples of reasons to put on a suit.

Now, in my 30's, I have learned to respect the suit.  And for this I would primarily  like to thank Barney Stinson.  Portrayed by Neil Patrick Harris on the hit CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother, Barney is almost aways sporting a tailored suit and is always calling on his wingmen to "Suit-up" for a night on the town.  Barney has taught us that suits command respect, and often deliver LEGENDARY results that may be otherwise unattainable! While I recognize that I am congratulating a fictional character for his approach to life, and that this series was in reality dreamed up by a team of writers in a board room at CBS, I would still like to thank the team that created Barney for their take on the impact of the suit in today's society.

Case in point.
I recently had the opportunity to "Suit-up" in Vegas, and head out on the town,  and I can 100% affirm that people really do treat you differently when you are dressed in a suit.

Special thanks to HFJ for classing up the entire event.

My Night With Lois Lane

While this story is a few years old, I think it's a good one, so I am going to share it, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it.  So there.

While I was out on the road, touring a Broadway-style show, I found myself stranded in Livingston Montana with a couple of days off.  If you have ever been to Montana, odds are that you know there isn't a damn thing to do there...so I figured I was stuck, when all of a sudden a very interesting opportunity came my way.

One of my lead actor's, who also happens to be a good friend had made arrangements to meet an old acquaintance for dinner and asked me, and another pair of company members to join them.  No big deal.  Its just a dinner, right?  Well, as it turns out, it was to be a night to remember as the acquaintance turned out to be Lois Lane herself, Margot Kidder.

Brian had directed Margot in a show at Stage West years ago, and they had maintained a pretty good relationship over the years so this dinner invitation was a chance for old friends to get caught up, and her to be hospitable to some of his traveling companions.

Margot picked the four of us up at our hotel in her Suburban, with 2 very large, very energetic dogs in tow.

Our first stop was Costco to pick up enough food to feed an army.  2 HUGE Pork loins, and salad fixings, strawberries...groceries, and alot of them.

Next stop, the local pharmacy so Margot could fill her "prescriptions".  Margot was very open and honest with us all night about her battle with mental illness, and I have to give her credit for being a very brave, independent individual.  She is also very politically minded, and a huge supporter of President Obama.

We were under the impression that this was to be a very low key evening in.  The night started with a tour of her lovely, modest home, and included what I still consider to be the highlight of the event.  In Margot's 2nd story den, above the mantle I discovered a framed copy of the famous Daily Planet Newspaper Article wirtten by Lois Lane "My Night With Superman."  This discovery really made my night.  I have always been a huge Superman fan, and as if meeting Margot wasn't enough of a thrill, seeing this piece of movie history really made my night.  I asked Margot about the piece, and she told me that it had been given to her as a gift by one of the props people many years after the movie wrapped filming. 

Turns out that Margot had invited 20 of her closest friends over for a dinner party to celebrate our being in town, and had plans to prepare a huge meal.  Unfortuantely, Margot's idea of prepping a huge meal was to attempt to put the pork loins in the microwave to cook them...Bless her, she was pretty much useless in the kitchen, but has a huge heart. 

So three of us from the show, the drummer, one of the two lead actors, and me, the stage manager, slaved away in the kitchen for most of the evening cooking the meal while Margot and Brian regailed us with some fantastic stories, all of which I have promised never to repeat, I will say I learned some things about Christopher Reeve that night ;)

While we slaved away over the hot stove, we may have sampled a few bottles of wine...okay more than a few...

Eventually, mostly thanks to our drummer's kitchen wisdom, and my unparralled ability to stir a boiling pot, we were able serve a pretty damn fine meal.  We had set up 3 or 4 tables in Margot's living room on the main floor to accomodate all of the guests.  Margot's guests included a number of local artists and notables including author Maryanne Vollers, who wrote Ghosts of Mississippi.  It actually was a lovely evening, with alot of fun conversation, and only one beret wareing jackass, a local retired war correspodant, turned philospher who got raging drunk and insisted on attempting to make very long winded toasts every 15 minutes for the remainder of the evening.  Margot and Maryanne eventually told him to sit down and shut up.  Pretty funny.

At the end of the evening we (the same three that had prepped the meal) did the dishes and helped put the house in order.  My memory gets pretty hazy about this part of the evening as I was happily hammered, but I do know that I washed alot of dishes!  Since a few of us were in rough shape, Margot offered to put us up for the night, but as we needed to be back on our tour bus the next morning to leave town, she wound up loaning us her vehicle and one of the sober actors drove us back to the hotel.  Good times had by all, except maybe the douche waffle in the beret, but no one cares about him...

Resident Evil: Retribution - 90 minutes you will never get back

Got out last night to see the latest offering from the Resident Evil franchise on the big screen.
I did enjoy the opening sequence - shown in reverse, it picks up exactly where the last film left off.  However, I thought it was a little odd for the film makers to then show the exact same footage in the usual (forwards) order immediately afterwords...just in case you didn't understand what you were seeing the first time around.  In case this convention was too much for you to follow...or you had never seen a film before...or just crawled out from under a rock directly into the movie theatre and chosen this film as your introduction to pop culture of western civilization. If that was infact the case then I am so sorry about your luck.
The rest of the movie was the closest the franchise has come to putting an 80's video game on the big screen.  Nonsensical plot, random flashy locations explained away with little care to the fact that they just don't make sense.  Big Boss fights throughout.  Big special effects that add nothing to the lack of story.
I will say that Mila Jovovitch still looks fantastic in the role of Alice, but that really isn't enough to carry a movie franchise.
For a film franchise that started out being all about a zombie apocalypse, they have strayed a long way from where they started.
And on that note, like every other Resident Evil film,  the ending leaves the door open for yet another sequel.
Will it be a sequel that I want to see? Not likely.
Luckily I wasn't expecting much from this film, and that is exactly what I got.  Unless you are a hardcore fan don't bother.

Fifty Shades of Green

So you put 8 theater folk at the table in the corner at a theater wedding, and you have to realize that things are going to get a little rowdy...especially when all of your center pieces are children's toys from the 80's and there is alcohol involved.

Allow me to present Fifty Shades of Green: A Muppet Sex Extravaganza, brought to you by the fantastic, twisted minds of Craig Pearson, Vinny Kolcz, Heather Landon, Jenine Kroeplen, Crystal Ellis, Jessica Bray, Just The Wife, and Yours Truely.

I hope this brings a smile to your face.

My Golden Horseshoe: A True Story

For those of you that don't know me very well, it may surprise you to learn that alot of people believe I have a golden horseshoe wedged somewhere uncomfortable.  And I don't mean the back of a volkswagon.  I guarentee you that this is indeed the case, although it is likely smaller than you are imagining simply for the sake of personal comfort.
I am gifted with way more than my fair share of luck.  I  always have been.  I assure you that this is not a boast, merely a statement of fact.  Now I also want to come right out and say that this does not mean that bad things don't happen to me.  Of course they do.  Into every life a little rain must fall.  And some days it falls in cascades, in torrential buckets even.  But that's life. C'est la vie.  But I frimly believe that when the clouds clear my golden horseshoe mainatins a karmic balance that is perpetually in my favour.
So back to the horseshoe.  It primarily comes into play in relation to contests where prizes are involved.
Here are a few real, honest examples:
Door Prizes:  The earliest example I can remember is winning a scale diecast model tractor at a local pig roast/barn dance when I was about 4 years old.  My Dad had filled out the ballot and used my name instead of his own.  Imagine my surprise when they called my name!
Concert Tickets:  Back in High School I won tickets to see Big Sugar on from FM96 by being the right caller.
Poker: While I certainly don't win every poker game I sit down to play, I have had years where my earnings from small home games were up over the $800 mark, and my first 2 attempts at a Vegas poker table had me up another $750 over 2 sittings.  Not because of my skill, but because I often get great cards when I need them.
50/50 Prizes:  I think I have won 3 50/50 pots over the years, one of which was for $437 - which I think may still hold the record for being the largest prize awarded at the St. Jacobs Country Playhouse.
Game shows:  While out on a North American Tour with a show, I was selected to be a contestant on The Price is Right and won about $10,000 US in fabulous prizes.  (A home gym, and matching Kowasaki Dirt Bikes for those of you who don't know the story)  Yes, this actually happened.  I have the video to prove it! This is obviously the largest win to date, and totally deserves it's own blog post as my 15 seconds of fame, but that is a tale for another day.  Side bar: I was also selected to be a contestant at the The Price is Right Live in Vegas, but only won a T-shirt.  As I was one of the first 4 selected in Vegas, I didn't realize I only had one shot at the bidding phase to make it up onstage, but that's okay, since Just the Wife swore there was no way I would even get picked to be a contestant.  Oh ye of little faith!
Raffles:  For my most recent win, I just found out that I won a sexy Broil King BBQ in a raffle sponsored by DaveFM at the K/W Ribfest and Craft Beer Show this Summer.  I had actually been thinking just last weekend that I would need to replace my current BBQ next season, so the timing on this win is pretty remarkable.
So there you have it.  I think all this is pretty good evidence of a little bit of luck, and in my opinion it has totally been worth any minor discomfort that my golden horsehoe may have caused over the years. 
Of course I am still hoping for a big Lottery win, but you can't always get what you want.
Besides Sean Connery has told us what winners get to do, and I'm okay with that too.
;)

Zombies, and art, and science, and more Zombies...

Okay, so I have been a terrible blogger lately, but life has honestly gotten in the way again...In the last few weeks I have had a whole plethora of fantastic life experiences to write about but I have also had a few terrible life experiences that I think I want to bottle up and put on a shelf somewhere dark and forget about them until I am in a better state of mind to reflect on them at some length.
So in the meantime I want to share a few observations on a trio of things that I have experienced lately that all share a fun common theme: Namely... Zombies.  Who doesn't love Zombies?  If you raised your hand, don't even bother with this post, it isn't for you.  Better luck next time.

#1: The Walking Dead.  The AMC television series.

As always, while I am working out of town for the Summer, I am always on the hunt for full seasons of new TV shows to watch that will sustain me through endless hours of late night insomnia/ boredom.  This last couple of weeks first two seasons of The Walking Dead has been just what the Doctor ordered.  Friends warned me that the first season was infinitely better than season 2...but I am not sure I agree.  Based on a series of graphic novels (which I will freely admit that I have no intention of ever reading), the series follows a small rag tag band of survivors in the southern states after an epidemic turns most of the population into flesh-eating shamblng corpses.  After the very first episode I was hooked.  And here's the funny thing: I don't even like this genre.  Never have.  I am a huge pussy when it comes to horror movies of any kind: Infact, I generally avoid them because of the instantious and visceral effect they have on me.  I am a grown man, with what one might call a very over-active imagination, and I have no problem admitting that after an evening of this kind of entertainment I delevop a serious fear of the dark.  Okay, not the dark so much as everything that goes bump in the dark!  After watching The Blair Witch Project when it first came out on the big screen I could not sleep the entire night, despite the fact that I was in my early twenties and tucked safely into my own bed in my parents home at the time.  And forget about camping...that film officially ruined that for me forever!  So naturally I avoid horror films, just to save myself the trouble.  But this series though has taken a slightly different approach to the horror genre which has captured my attention.  The focus is on the interactions of the survivors, how they deal with loss, and hope, and despair, and all of the crazy scenarios that someone could find themselves in when the world goes to hell in a handbasket and there just happens to be ravenous hordes of the living dead clogging the streets, waiting to eat your brains.  I really do enjoy the writing, plot lines, and the talent involved in this series, and I would feel remiss if I didn't mention that the special effects make up team has done an incredible job of scaring the living bejesus out of me on more than one occasion.  I need to check the exact date, but I know that Season 3 airs soon.

#2 Bodies: The Exhibit.

While we were in Las Vegas recently, my friends and I decided to take in Bodies: The Exhibition at the Luxor.  While both Just the Wife and my sister the physio-therapist have often told me that this was something that they have always wanted to see, it has never been very high on my list of must do activities.  Not becuase I'm squeamish, but because I do have some pretty big hang-ups with death.  But don't we all?  No, okay maybe it's just me.However as the Fun Coordinator  for the trip, one of our gang really wanted to see it, so off we went.  For those of you who have never heard of this exhibit, let me explain.  Basically, a European Scientist/ Doctor/ Evil Genius has acquired a whole pile of actual human corpses that have been donated to science post mortem, and through meticulous preservation and disection techniques, has created an art installation/ science project guarenteed to scare the sweet bejesus out of the faint of heart.  This is not for kids!  As you tour through the exhibit they basically walk you through all of the systems of the human body, with several very visceral, real demonstrative models to better exemplify the specifics of exactly how the human body is put together.  If you have never seen a flayed human body, you are in for a treat. Several infact.  If you ever had to disect a fetal pig in Biology class, you will be astounded by how similar this entire exhibit feels to that experience.   While I was incredibly intrigued by the inner workings of the musculature, circulatory and repiratory systems, I found the key to this exhibit was to simply disconnect the fact that all of the pieces I was examing were once living, breathing human beings, with hopes, dreams and aspirations.  One I was able to see them simply as anatomicially correct manikins, I was able to breath a little easier.  Ofcourse, it wasn't long after that point that my imagination kicked in and suddenly I was seeing each new installation as a potential zombie marauder.  This made the exhibit way more terrifying, and interestingly enough, easier to handle.  As a side bar, the various dissected internal workings of the lungs that had been dyed two tone to illustrate the flow of blood were actually quite beautiful as pieces of art - an odd and puzzling thought.  Also the few 'bodies' that consisted of only dyed veins and arteries suspended in enbalming fluid were very interesting to behold, and creepy as hell.  I will also mention that as a parent the fetal development portion of the exhibit was more than a little hearbreaking, if very informative, and super interesting.
I have spent alot of time pondering how I actually feel about the morality of this exhibit, the whole question of actual human bodies on display as a piece of art/science/novelty, and I honestly don't think I can come up with an easy answer.  From an educational standpoint, I feel that it is an excellent, inovatove concept, allowing the general public access to teaching tools that they would otherwise never be exposed to, outside of a medical training facility.  The flip side of course is that I know I wouldn't appreciate knowing that one of these displays featured a friend/ relative of mine who had checked the little box on their organ donor card.  Of course, that would have been their decision to do so, and I really have no business being offended by someone else's last wishes, since it was obviously something that they felt strongly about, and its pretty damn petty of me to think that I have the right to be indignant about something that they so strongly believed in.  Like I said, no real easy answer.  Ultimately I think I will simply settle for being conflicted, and I'm okay with that.

#3 The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks.

As promised, we're right back to Zombies to round out this post!  This handbook looks at all of the elements that you, yes you, need to know to survive a plethora of Zombie related scenarios.  The books covers a huge array of information, from origins of the Zombie, selection of initial refuge, how to fortify and secure your home, primary, secondary and ranged weapon selection, what you will need to ride out the infestation.  This book really is the final word on how to prep for the inevitable Zombie Apocolypse.  The whole reason I was intriqued by this book is all of the time I have spent discussing said Zombie Apocolypse over the years with various friends.
Ultimately what I have learned is this: Select a small (3-5) group of healthy, individuals that you trust.  Hopefully these are people who happen to have a  wide array of varied special skills, and talents.  (A mechanic, an engineer, a paramedic/ medical professional, someone with actual combat experience or is at least comfortable with a gun, will all come in handy!).  Then get your hands on a functional katana, hatchet, or crowbar and head on down to an American Walmart - the supply of guns, ammo, and food available will be worth the effort it takes to clear out the store of roaming undead.  Most importantly, when dispatching the Undead, you must destroy the brain, any other damage will only piss them off, and get you eaten.  Headshots count!  Once you have your supplies for 2-3 months of enforced house arrest, find a two storey home with a decent fenced yard, set up base camp on the upper story, demolish the stairs to the main floor, and sit down to wait it out.  Apparently Zombies can't climb so you should be okay until the food and water runs out.  After that...it sounds like you're best bet is to resupply and make your way to an off shore oil rig or military compound to ride out the rest of the forseeable future, which sadly wont  likely be very long, since the planet has obviously been overrun by the undead anyway by this point.  May as well make the most of it!  But be aware, if a collegue gets bit, do yourself a favour and immedietly  put a bullet in their brain becuase they will be reanimating with a taste for brains before you know it, and nobody needs that on the wrong side of a protective barracade! A very amusing read, especially when combined with exposure to the two previous articles of this post, I would encourage anyone who is so inclined to pick up a copy to read for themselves!

There you have it, a solid triple dose of Zombies to keep you on your toes!  Enjoy.

And remember: Always double tap.